And through the cracks, the light echoed

You might think this is unnecessary, but as a person, who took 29 years to overcome suicidal depression starting from the young age of 16 with a broken support system, hear me out. History states that we were created from purity and love but like all dual forces in nature; we each have a darker side, the choice to choose is left on us and we should always hold onto the rope of sanity and strive to stay on the bright side. Ancient muses and scholars have termed the universe as a vast sea of conscious in which tiny sparks of energies float that is us. It is believed that each of us is vibrating at our own frequency, beneath our flesh and bones, lays a field of energy that connects all of us. We have high and low frequencies but we each have our roles to play in the brightest way possible so that the universe keeps running.

Governed by our pasts, presents and over thinking on the upcoming events, suicidal depression can make you numb but once you pass that thought of negativity, positive forces of nature supervenes in spirit and matter. When we talk in the context of mental health, my learning in Catholic Church teaches us that it is impossible to draw a line between the spiritual and vehicular, stating that emotional health can change us in a variety of conventional and unconventional ways.

Suicidal depression steams from multiple reasons such as a sense of abandonment while surrounded by beauty which I, as a young girl always felt, dwelling on the topic of death. The process of shifting thoughts from positive to negative is hidden beneath the irritable attitude, sudden mood swings, variation in sleep schedule and being disconnected with social life and activities.

Suicidal depression can be hard to detect, just because we cannot see does not mean it is not there. Increased pacing, psychomotor agitation, schizophrenia, borderline personality disorder, panic attacks and destructive critics can be observed when someone is suffering from suicidal depression and is no longer able to cope up with a grief, loss or any overwhelming or unexpected situation. In the heat of these situations, the moments act as genesis; birth and rebirth of an individual on a microcosmic level, the individual views their identity in a different light, a strong and independent soul may seem surreal, fragile, fluid and peculiar, which is why they occupy themselves with material that brings them a false sense of fleeting joy such as drugs, hanging relationships and careless expenditure on unnecessary and harmful pleasure. During this phase, the idea of beauty and attraction, reasons to live change differently for everyone. Psychoanalysis of these timeless transformations reveals that the person sees the world from behind a veil, least interested and living to the standards set by a disintegrating society and a discouraging environment. However when we do find out that we or someone else is going through such a mental disease, we should realize and accept that as long as we are alive, we are works in progress, each human is embracing mysteries and uncertainties and that such experiences teach us valuable lessons which are forever embedded in the lines of our hands and they will be utilized in taking critical decisions of our lives. I, myself has been through therapy and it has taken all my determination to overcome this period and embrace change.

Psychological forces in suicidal depression creates a puzzled melancholy of behavioral traits and as the situation unfolds and experiences manifest, our reservoirs of thoughts, dreams, feelings, desires and memories tangle and grow deep, rooting themselves in our subconscious, defining our personalities. These are powerful mental processes that determine our development; our cognitive gears that are continuously shifting, shaping our thoughts, attributes, attitudes, communication, relations, goals, morals and beliefs. Directing and channeling our inner energy during suicidal depression can be the hardest job in the world and this is where our will plays a major role. As an individual if you asses and conclude that your will power needs a push, therapy and being part of a supportive community that does not judge is the best path to take. Such journeys and transformative experiences, experiential or personal stimuli influence our behaviors and thinking. It is proven that ultimately getting help from the right and qualified people impact our decisions that will in turn affect our lives.

At this point, we, the community and the survivors, should fight every restriction associated with suicidal depression by raising awareness, realizing that transformative incidents are ingrained in us from our past lives, everyone is going under a special kind of continuous transformation throughout lives as they are processing these occurrences and that they sometimes need a guide to help them in making the choices and decisions that will be beneficial for their health and being in general. Fighting these restrictions, accepting the symptoms and figuring out possible treatments is similar to realizing the weight of a mountain that is crushing on our shoulders however the first step is the hardest, once past that, one understands their own needs better than before.

This connection between norms set by the standards of the society and mental health is old, it has affected kings and queens, thinkers and students, priests and soldiers alike. It has disrupted the creative process of unique individuals which is prominent in their approach on life, to them all seems frustrating, an endless pain and that embracing sudden changes sprouts anger, violence and that nothing beautiful can ever be born out of such hurt.

I am here to tell you that no one is ever alone, that we all are travelling with dreams and disappointments, witnessing mistakes and miracles. In an unstable world lined with obstacles, to be light as feather is an impossible feat to perform but we should not let ourselves forget that hope is fuel for the soul.


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